Xingchen feels his reluctance, helps ease him back up into a sitting position. Everything is about to change, he can sense it, like smelling the first signs of spring in the air. He's always welcomed it before. It's inevitable, and to feel any other way puts one out of balance with the natural way of things.

Maybe he should think more that way now. Maybe then things wouldn't feel so overwhelming.

He leans forward, feeling along Xue Yang's arms and making sure to be careful of his freshly bandaged wounds. And then he wraps his arms around him. He draws himself closer, until he can feel the other man's breath against his neck.

"All these things I've asked you to do, they must be painful and confusing to you."

The words are whispered. For Xue Yang, violence is natural. Selfishness is natural. He's fighting all these battles inside of him just to stay by Xiao Xingchen's side.

"If it hurts, you can talk to me. You don't have to be cheerful when you're not, you can tell me what I can do to help you. I will."