The terrible things that Xue Yang has done can't be forgotten. Xingchen's reminded himself of that time and time again. He's meditated on it, tried to deny it, but in the end he'd still ended up by his side.

So when Zichen's words sound like a goodbye, Xingchen bites back his protest. He wants to cling to him, plead and apologize, because the man deserves all of that and more. But what right does he have? How can he ask him to stay if he really wants to leave? Xingchen lowers his head and focuses on his breathing, trying to keep the tears that roll from underneath his bandages to a minimum.

It's Xue Yang who speaks for him - for them, who existed before he did. It's Xue Yang who says the things that Xiao Xingchen can't. And it makes him wonder...how does he know? Has he been more obvious about his lingering feelings than he realized? How much has he hurt both of these men who right now are thinking only of him?

Xingchen shakes his head, slowly letting go of their hands.

"I don't deserve either of you. I don't - I should find a mountain and just disappear. I don't know how the world works, I don't understand love. A person can't love two, it's unnatural."