farsickness | (no subject)

Entry tags:

xue yang | the untamed

(no subject)

WHO: xiao xingchen + open
WHEN: march
WHAT: a blind cultivator out and about
WHERE: around gazin
WARNINGS: none, will update if necessary

Gazin.

Xiao Xingchen's time since arriving in Gazin has been...turbulent. The change in location hasn't bothered him as much as it might some. He does still worry for A-Qing every day, but reminds himself that she's a clever girl. He can only hope that she doesn't find too much trouble.

The other member of their strange little family had arrived here with him, a great help and a comfort....until Xiao Xingchen finally found out who he really is, a question that he'd never asked. And that's when his heart had truly been unsettled for the first time in his life. His arm is still bandaged from the injury he received during a recent night hunt, bad enough to keep him from going on one since, though it's mostly healed now. It redirected him back to the other task that he needs to accomplish: finding a job.

It's not easy. For the most part people are nicer here, but they still doubt a blind man's abilities. Others are too wary of any man with two swords across his back now to take a chance.

He's discouraged, but he buys a small bit of bread in the marketplace, a piece of fruit. It's cheaper than the tavern nearby, and Xingchen just needs something to fill his stomach to fuel him forward. He finds an out-of-the-way place in the market to eat, listening to the sounds of life around him.

Returning home. (closer to dusk)

There were many days when he did not expect to ever return here, this place that his companion - that Xue Yang found for them. The man had been persistent after he left, making sure that Xingchen was taken care of even when all of his gifts were rejected.

His heart hasn't completely righted itself, but he knows one thing for sure: Xue Yang has killed no one here. He hasn't even attacked, and barely even has the means to do so after surrendering everything over to Xiao Xingchen. He'd like to think that he's been made less naive, but maybe he's not, because he keeps thinking that maybe he can keep the other man on the correct path, one of harmony with this new life. Xingchen's made it clear that he must submit himself to justice if and when they return, because those that he's murdered deserve nothing less. But for now..maybe he can be a sheath for that dangerous blade.

Xingchen steps up onto the small porch, pausing when he hears the first approach of footsteps.

"Is that you?"

He tilts his head a little more, waiting to hear if they're familiar or not.

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More and more, he understands him - he doesn't excuse him. But Xingchen makes an effort to listen to him, to understand. He's learning a little bit more about the world, and it's a shame that it's about how cruel it can really be.

No wonder. No wonder Xue Yang clings to sweetness and to him, the only two pleasures that he has in this world. Xiao Xingchen shouldn't need any. His life is supposed to be simple and removed from such things.

But then Xue Yang touches his cheek.

"I...want the same from you." To hear his laughter and his teasing. To feel his smile. Those things have been so rare lately, or faked. It scares him...can Xue Yang live this life and be that way again? Is it selfish of him to hope for it?

Xiao Xingchen leans in, impulsively pressing a kiss against Xue Yang's mouth. A test. A pleasure.

Xue Yang wants to protect him from the harsh world, but knows he can't. Not really. Not entirely, if just because he's in it and he's...still a monster. But a monster that's trying to be better now. He can't change what he's done, but he can dedicate himself to not doing those things again. And so far, in Gazin, he's been doing a good job. Not even Hanguang-Jun can say he's broken their truce.

He startles a little at the words. Wonder and awe settling in as he stares intently at Xingchen. Dares to press his hand a little more, cupping a pale cheek. Xingchen didn't flinch from his touch.

Then Xiao Xingchen leans in. A kiss. Knowing full well who it is he's kissing, this time. It makes his heart leap and chest grow tight. Shock is the only reason he doesn't immediately press into it, but as soon as it starts to fade, he kisses back. Fingers trembling a little where pressed to Xingchen's cheek.

He doesn't let himself ask for more, not yet. Not matter how much he wants to curl around this man and kiss him all over.

His breath huffs out when he pulls back a little, a bit of a shaky little laugh.

"I told you, Xiao Xingchen. Anything for you. Everything, for you. I don't care what it is."

"Xue Yang."

Xingchen shakes his head, hands on the other man's shoulders moving up to cup his face too. He keeps his voice to a near whisper, trying to soothe him. Asking him to listen in his quiet way.

"I don't want to take everything from you."

He's a good example of someone who offered up their everything, someone who gave and gave until there's barely anything left of him. The pain of taking his own eyes is something he'll never speak about, but he doesn't want that from anyone else. It's too much. Xingchen opens his mouth to speak again, but he hesitates there. It's not that he suddenly has doubts, he just doesn't...know... He has no experience with this.

"If we're going to...to be together. It must be together." Does that even make sense? He shakes his head, flustered. "I just want you to talk to me. Trust me. And- Show me what it is that you want to do most of all right now. If I could give you something, what would it be?"

He goes completely still when Xingchen cups his face, hearing the quiet request. Listens, eyes searching the other man's face as Xingchen speaks. No hint of deception- and what does this precious man even know of it? Really know? Outside of what Xue Yang himself has taught him by example.

He sits on his impatience, wonder and hope warily beginning to grow again the more Xingchen speaks. Be together.

"You would...be...mine?" He asks in a very small voice. The voice of someone who has had very little to call his own. A dream. Xue Yang knows what he wants that to mean. But...does Xiao Xingchen?

He brings his hand down from the other man's cheek, touch remaining light. Down...then curls his arm around Xingchen's waist. Possessive, but light enough to be easily broken.

"And...you would be mine." At least he's pretty sure that's how it works, even if that's the strangest part of all to him. It isn't strange to Xingchen that hasn't had much, it's strange to him that he actually wants something. But he knows that he can only have it here.

The rest of what he's doesn't know, he's willing to discover. He follows Xue Yang's touch, feels it going around his waist, and his only reaction is a soft smile. Not quite what it was before, but something.

"You actually want to stay with a blind man. I shouldn't chase you away."

Xue Yang shakes his head a little, a smile slowly forming under Xingchen's fingers. "I've been yours for a long time."

So many things he hasn't told Xingchen. Some of which...he's still not sure he should. But seeing that soft smile again loosens the tight knot in his chest and he leans his head forward. Not to kiss this time, but to press their foreheads together as his other arm moves to join the other with more care for the injuries Xingchen is so concerned over.

"I want to be with my Daozhang. I don't see a blind man when I look at you."

Xue Yang falls silent for a moment, thinking on the rest of what Xingchen said. Asked him to trust this angel in his arms. To talk to him. Asked him what he wants, if there was one thing Xingchen could give him.

"Xingchen," he tests it out and knows he's smiling again. "May I have another kiss?" Asking for one small portion of what he wants. He knows this precious man isn't ready for more than kissing, and hopefully cuddling.

He wants to do this the right way.

"Not long enough."

The words are murmured before Xingchen can think to stop them. But there's no point in thinking about how things might've been, or even how they'll be. There is only how things are, in this present moment.

The corners of his lips quirk when he calls him by his name, unexpected but unexpectedly pleasant. Xingchen nods his head to give him permission. He thinks there will come a time when that's not necessary either, but it's a good practice for Xue Yang to have in these early days.

Three simple words, but they almost burn right through him. Xue Yang closes his eyes tight, fingers curling a little at Xingchen's waist. What would his life have been like, if he'd known to go up the mountain and somehow found Xiao Xingchen?

Better. Much better than the living hell he'd managed on his own.

He breathes out, carefully. "Yours for life," he murmurs.

Then opens his eyes to see the faint smile, to feel the nod. Permission granted, and it lifts his still-too-fragile heart up. He pulls a hand away from Xingchen's waist to rest light fingers on the man's cheek before he leans in.

This kiss isn't the playful, testing little kisses they'd exchanged before. This kiss is firmer, warmer, with an attempt to reign in just how fierce his emotions are for Xingchen.

Xingchen's not prepared for that kiss. He thinks he is, after what they exchanged before. But he'd assumed that Xue Yang was someone young and innocent then.

This kiss reminds him of just how wrong he'd been. There's a hunger to it, a kiss that wants a little more of him. It gives him no time to catch his breath, so Xingchen finds himself clinging to him in the wake of it.

He feels warm and dizzy and- Where did Xue Yang even learn such a wicked kiss that leaves his heart racing and the taste of him still on his tongue? He might as well be mute as well as blind, because all he can do is stay there in his proximity, feeling the heat that's behind the color high on his cheekbones.

As much of a surprise as the kiss is for Xingchen, it's nothing compared to what Xue Yang wants to give him. But it's enough for now, feeling Xingchen cling to him. Feels his heart race alongside his own as he holds this precious man close.

Lips still tingling and body warm with bliss of having gotten to kiss his angel again. He grins, seeing the color staining pale cheeks and presses his lips tenderly to a cheek. Then leans his forehead against Xingchen's as he hums quietly. He will happily hold the other man as long as Xingchen lets him. Tirelessly.

He slowly pulls himself back together. Steadies his heart, even out his breathing. Xingchen's grip loosens and slides down him gently. And it reminds him-

"You should put a clean shirt on."

Xingchen will do his best with the damaged one.

"And...it might be time to take your sword back."

He could handle a second damaged shirt, but he doesn't think he could handle Xue Yang being damaged again.

Heaven. This is what heaven feels like. Xue Yang feels hope growing, still shy, still hesitant. Still a little fragile.

Being told to put a clean shirt on has him laugh and squeeze Xingchen before starting to pull away. Only to pause at the second statement. What it hints at. Trust. Care.

He slowly reaches up to cup Xingchen's face, careful and gentle. Precious. "If you want me to carry Jiangzai again, I will. I won't use it unless I have to for work, or to protect you."

Because Xingchen matters above all else.

But he remembers what else he's been told. And it's...more of a challenge to remember. "And...if I am attacked by someone here...I will only defend." Promises. For Xiao Xingchen. For his Daozhang.

Anything. Everything, for this precious man.

Xingchen listens closely to the sound of his voice, tries not to be distracted by his touch - he's somewhat unsuccessful there, tipping his face more into Xue Yang's touch before he can stop himself.

But he hears sincerity in his voice. It's no act, Xiao Xingchen chooses to believe that.

"I trust you."

Not only to not do harm, but also to not be harmed.

"Pick up your sword again." He smirks gently. "It's too heavy for me anyway."

...Oh that smirk isn't fair. Xue Yang grins and doesn't even try to keep himself from leaning in to steal a quick, playful kiss before laughing again as he pulls away.

"I will be your strength, Xiao Xingchen!"

Xingchen's shield.

Xingchen's weapon.

Anything his daozhang needs, Xue Yang will step up and be.

He digs around in the little chest left in the apartment for clothes and pulls out one of the new shirts he'd managed to buy. A second's pause to remember to be careful of his bandages in dressing, then he's right back in Xingchen's space, reaching for a hand.

Xingchen laughs at his words. Xue Yang is strange but cute. His heart seems to warm to him despite any effort to the contrary. But there are none of those efforts now. Xingchen is letting himself feel what he feels.

"You are."

He says it quietly. Everything would've been much harder if not for Xue Yang. If not for his willingness to keep Xiao Xingchen by his side. He gives his hand a squeeze.

"Do you feel better?"

That laugh washes over him. Warms him from head to toe. Maybe it's a temporary thing, this bliss, this peace. But he's going to hold onto it with all he is for as long as he can.

Xue Yang feels his breath stolen away when Xingchen tells him he is his strength. Smile bright and careless with his delight. He gives that precious hand a gentle squeeze in answer, standing not quite pressed against the other man. Close enough the heat of their bodies can be felt.

"You laughed." A simple answer.

"I like it here."

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