farsickness

Entry tags:

xue yang | the untamed

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WHO: Xue Yang + Open
WHEN: After night hunt thread and rest of Feb
WHAT: Moping because his ~~boyfriend~~ roommate moved out, leaving gifts for said ~~boyfriend~~ former roommate, not intentionally causing trouble, checking up on Wen Qing and general moodiness! Sparring welcome!
WHERE: Gazin, possibly out in Vasari Forest, others by request!
WARNINGS: Usual cast drama! Monster slaying! Maybe even stabbage from castmates?

Wandering in Gazin, any time!
He'd been right in the dream not lasting long. Not even a week, really. But the memories he'd managed to cram into that week...!

And maybe it's not completely destroyed. Just tarnished. Xue Yang is still alive, after all. Healing, of course. Because of course he'd been stabbed a few times. Nothing new there, he's a fast healer. All his limbs are still attached, and he'd shocked the other cultivators more than a little.

Now he has to figure out how to continue. His 'job' takes up much of the daylight hours, though it's still horribly simple and dull. It's when he returns to the apartment that he feels lost. So he spends as little time there as he can manage. He goes out into the town, wandering.

Buying food that a blind man can cook up, and he drops it off where he knows Xiao Xingchen has moved to. He leaves it where it will be found, around the time he knows the man will return, but not cause him to trip.

Week later- closed to Wen Qing
Finally the clothes the merchant had promised are ready, and he bundles the better-made dress up before setting off to make his deliveries (another outfit is for Xingchen, left beside the usual food which he delivers first). He bothers to knock on her door this time and waits, finding...he actually kind of wants the company, though he'll deny it.

When she opens the door, he holds out the package with something close to his usual grin, though there's still something oddly fragile and broken about how he looks these days. "These should suit you better, Sect Sister."

Outskirts of Vasari Forest: Sparring/monster fighting! Open!
No one can say he's been attacking the villagers. Not a single incident to report.

Xue Yang has taken to, in addition to his usual deliveries and job, exploring the edges of the forest and finding decent places to work off energy and the pain that would normally be used to torture people. Not here. He can't afford that here. So he works his sword into a frenzy of moves, focus on getting stronger, faster, better. He knows Xiao Xingchen is still going on nighthunts (because he follows at a distance every single time he finds the trace of him outside town), and in order to make sure he can protect the blind man...He has to keep improving.

The monsters here don't seem to respond as the monsters back home to his usual means, so the 'proper path' of cultivation seems the way to go. So he does his best, diving into the lessons he remembers from over a decade ago and what he's observed since then.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

The knock at the private entrance door behind the apothecary surprises Wen Qing, it's far too early in the day for Jiang Cheng to be off from work and as far as she's aware he's the only one who both knows where she lives and has reason to visit.

When she opens the door to the sight of Xue Yang grinning at her, she just blinks in utter confusion for a moment. His bringing attention to the package he is carrying only adds to her bewilderment.

"What...?" she murmurs, then catches herself. "Come in," she murmurs, leading him up the steep staircase to the room she occupies.

Xue Yang hasn't told anyone where she works, or where she lives. Allies. An honest attempt to fully uphold his end of their deal.

...And company that doesn't want to immediately stab him in the back, or chest, that will talk with him as a person not to immediately be distrusted or thrown away...despite knowing exactly who he is and much of what he's done...is very valuable.

Her invitation has him immediately obey, closing the door securely behind him on the way up.

The staff bedroom she has rented is a humble but nice enough room with a neatly made bed in the corner, with a table and chair by the window. Just one chair, since she strictly speaking isn't supposed to bring guests upstairs. There are stacks of notes on the table and some herbal encyclopedias borrowed from the pharmacist.

What does stand out are the lines of rope going through the room, on which she is drying various plants.

"You'll have to forgive the mess," she says, not sounding apologetic at all, "I'm eager to branch out from the herbs known for their healing purposes here, as I'd like to find substitutes for my own recipes. But while I'm allowed to use the lab, I have to do the rest on my own time, in my own space." She gives the herbs a frustrated look. "It's something to keep me busy, I guess, while I'm making no progress on getting home."

Breaking the rules for him. Such a good sister! He looks around her little room, approving of her experiments (though it doesn't translate to his expression so much in how he doesn't give a dismissive snort).

"I'm sure you'll figure it out," it sounds like a lame praise. And from anyone else, it would be. Idle chatter to indicate paying attention. But this is Xue Yang, who isn't used to praising anyone for skills not in the battlefield or in acting.

"If there's a way to get you back, we'll find it." He'd promised, after all. And he hasn't forgotten it.

She nods, satisfied, taking his words as an acknowledgment of her skill rather than as dismissal. After all, in the cultivator circles they have been running in at home, praise doesn't so much take the form of praise as it is implied in the lack of punishment for failure.

His reaffirmed promise to help her get back earns another nod. It's a relief to know he still intends to hold to their deal after things fell through with Xiao Xingchen. "Thank you. I appreciate your support."

She gestures at the chair, feeling a little awkward now at having a visitor in her humble abode. "Please. Sit. Would you like tea? It's a local herbal blend but it's not completely awful." She thinks for a moment. "And I believe I still have some of the fruit wine left." Which she had bought for the aborted date with Jiang Cheng, and she's quite aware of the irony. "You're bringing me gifts, the least I can do is be a good hostess."

Edited 2020-02-24 16:33 (UTC)

This is why he feels their alliance can work. She understands him enough, just as he understands her enough. Probably. Something familiar, at least.

And she hadn't broken her side of their deal. He'd known Xingchen would find out his identity at some point. As long as she doesn't tell the man how Song Zichen had died, he'll maintain this good behavior, continue looking for a way to get her reunited with her brother.

Xue Yang stares at her for the invitation- no one has ever bothered when it comes to him. Normally he's just had to take. How strange it is that here is where a person gets treated differently. His head tilts down, though his gaze remains on her for a long moment more, but then he nods and takes the offered seat. And her explanation doesn't negate the thought in her consideration, though does serve to let him smile, shoulders shaking slightly in suppressed laughter.

"Tea. Thank you." Words that are still foreign to him when he means them. He sets the wrapped package on the table. He doesn't expect her to open it immediately, what matters is she has it now.

She bustles around a little getting a second cup from the kitchen and pouring them the herbal tea she has grown fond of, as well as procuring some spiced cookies since she knows his sweet tooth.

She doesn't get visitors often, after all, might as well go all out. Even if it feels very bizarre for Xue Yang of all people to be her guest. The Wen Qing avoiding him in Nightless City would have been very baffled, indeed.

Wen Qing sits and sizes him up, unabashed in her curiosity. "How are you holding up?" she asks as she reaches for the package, busying her hands with unwrapping it.

After the group night hunt in the forest, Xiao Xingchen all but vanishes. He doesn't return to the place that he and Xue Yang shared, he doesn't want to set foot in it. He finds another place...and then doesn't stay there either.

It's the first time in four days that he's been back to it. Xingchen pauses at the steps, head tilting the buzzing of flies around his oldest offerings. Xue Yang really is like a feral cat, right down to leaving things on his doorstep. He continues without touching any of it. He's barely eaten but he has no appetite. He keeps thinking back to their last meal in that kitchen, the sound of his - of Xue Yang's laughter. The touch of his lips when he'd surprised Xingchen with a kiss. The warmth of his arms.

Xingchen leans back against the door once he's inside. It's pitch black, but it doesn't matter. What use does a blind man have for candles?

He has no use for the candies in his sleeve either. He just can't seem to stop buying them.

He was lied to. He was betrayed. He was toyed with. Xue Yang is a murderer who's cheated justice. But for a little while, he was a part of Xingchen's family too. It was hard enough to live with a hole shaped like Zichen in his heart, but his friend - Xue Yang - he made it beat again.

And then he crushed it.

The white bandages over his eyes are stained again, but so is his sleeve. Xingchen gathers his strength and pushes away from the door to focus on his physical and far less painful wound - a laceration around his forearm from a monster's tail.

Days. That's what the rotting food tells him. He doesn't clean it away though, not yet. Signs to even a blind man that someone has been trying to look after him. Even if it makes Xue Yang look pathetic.

He is, when it comes to Xiao Xingchen. He's accepted it, embraced it, and now has to live with the consequences of a bloody past that has shattered this dream.

Why he'd broken into Xingchen's new room that day when he hadn't before, he won't say. And he's imagined the door opening to reveal Xingchen so many times since he had settled in the growing dark, knees up to his chest, arms around his legs and head down that he almost doesn't believe it when it actually opens.

He smells the blood before he can move after the realization sinks in, and sucks in a quick breath before stumbling to his feet. Now he's glad he'd set candles around, for he lights them with a quick use of energy.

"Xiao Xingchen...Is this my punishment? To watch you hurt yourself over and over again?" There's the slightest hint at a waver, a shake, in his voice, but he slowly steps closer anyway, fingers twisting in the cloth of his trousers.

He waits a beat before continuing, not really expecting an answer. "Let me help you...like you helped me." Another few steps closer, no sound of weapons being summoned.

It says something, that Xiao Xingchen's sharp senses didn't even pick up that he was there. It says that he is so used to his energy, so comfortable with having him near that nothing felt off when he entered a room that he was in. Xingchen's breath hitches at the sound of his voice, and he grips the edge of the rough wooden table while raising Shuanghua in Xue Yang's direction.

The blade is still sheathed. Even the day that he found it, it hadn't been Xingchen's that had stabbed him. He was too shocked. Too distraught. He feels a fresh wave of that right now.

"Wh...what are you doing here?" His voice shakes, as does the hand holding his sword. A tiny fresh ribbon of blood trickles down his arm, the weight of the weapon opening up his wound even more. The thing is, Xue Yang isn't wrong. Xiao Xingchen has been going to the more dangerous places, seeking out the more dangerous beasts. He's been doing night hunts since he was a boy. He understands them so much better than the workings of his own heart. This is the dangerous distraction that he seeks. "Why do you keep bringing me things?"

To torment him. To remind him that he has no eyes. To remind him that he ha no one who really cares about him anymore.

Xue Yang moves closer...closer, until the edge of Shuanghua hits the center of his chest. Then he stops, not raising his arms to move the sheathed blade aside, just stands there, staring at the other man. No trace of his usual grin or smirk, no sign of the laughter they'd shared before his identity was made known.

"You haven't told me to leave, Daozhang..."

His eyes flick down to where he sees fresh blood trickle down the other's arm. It makes him frown unhappily. "Because...I want to...I promised I would look after you, take care of you.

"You can stab me, if you want. If it makes you feel better. But...just...let me tend your wounds...? You're making them worse."

He's just playing another game. Knowing all that he's done, and not leaving just because Xingchen hasn't said the words. He wouldn't leave anyway...at least that's what he tells himself. But a part of him believes that he would. He might try again tomorrow, the same way he keeps bringing food. But he would go. So why doesn't he just tell him that?

Xingchen tilts his head when he feels the other man pressing himself against his sword. Another taunt, but Xue Yang of all people should know how quick he can still be, that even if his sword is sheathed, that can change in an instant.

"You...why aren't you laughing now!" His arm trembles more from both the pain and the emotion. Right now they're pretty much one and the same anyway. But Xue Yang's voice sounds strange, too soft and too serious, and it makes Xingchen want to curl bodily around this ache until it goes away. "Can't you hear how funny your words are! You said we'd meet again, and you kept that promise. And then you make other promises...you're a liar who makes so many promises!"

And then he goes on to say such a ridiculous thing, like it should make anyone happier to hurt another person. That's just how Xue Yang thinks. But it wouldn't make Xingchen happier. How could it?

"Everything. Every word out of your mouth. That day in the kitchen, it was all just a game to you!"

His hand dips, and this time the catch of his breath is from pain. He can't hold his sword anymore.

Playing a game on himself. This farce that's destroying him, however hard he's been trying to survive it. If this is what having a heart that beats for someone else, that caring for others is...he doesn't want it.

Can't stop it.

Can't help it.

Xue Yang listens silently to this precious man yelling at him. He's saying funny things? His body shakes, but he doesn't notice. His chest hurts, but he ignores it.

"I keep all my promises, Xiao Xingchen. Or I die trying."

He could scream right back at the man, blame it all on him. But that would do nothing but hurt Xingchen again.

"No! Not a game. A dream." Strange how someone's face can get wet and they not understand how or why. Xue Yang notices it with a start and reaches up to touch a damp cheek.

...Then Shuanghua dips, and he draws in a sharp breath at the sound of pain. He doesn't think, just steps forward, around the sagging blade to wrap an arm around Xingchen's waist. He tugs to get the other man moving toward the bed.

"Let me help you." Foreign words, when spoken with concern. Brittle or not, he is circling around outright begging.

"A dream?" He shouldn't believe it. He can't believe it. But what Xiao Xingchen can't believe most of all is the earnestness that he hears in Xue Yang's voice. He keeps listening for something, anything that tells him that Xue Yang is a complete monster, to be dealt with the same way that the monsters in the forest are. But it's not there, and Xingchen sobs harder for it. "What were you going to do when we woke up?"

'We', because it became his dream too. How quickly he'd fallen for the fantasy of a home to share with the man who belonged to this voice, this laughter. This touch.

What a fool he is. An utter joke that was always making Xue Yang laugh.

"Don't-"

He's too weak to offer resistance though. His heart has been bleeding for so many much longer than his arm.

'When we woke up' echoes in his mind. His breath hitches and he squeezes his eyes shut. "...Probably die," he murmurs. And yet he's still alive. Because of this world, that one chance.

And Xiao Xingchen is back and he's helpless to do nothing other than try to look after him.

His hands are gentle as he guides the blind man to sit, but he doesn't take no for an answer. Not when Xingchen can't even struggle. Xue Yang still hasn't been told to leave.

He sets to tearing cloth off his own tunic to make bandages and to clean up the injuries, only moving away to get some water. What can he say that won't add pain? Memories that he cherishes might hurt because Xingchen knows now who it was he saved.

Xue Yang's gaze flicks between his work and Xingchen's precious face.

"...I haven't attacked anyone here...Daozhang..." Hesitant. Almost shy. Almost hopeful.

"...I know." The words fall heavy from his lips. He'd been listening for it, expecting Xue Yang to follow up his reveal and the destruction of his game with slaughter. Xingchen would know what he had to do then. He could put his feelings aside because doing the right thing would demand it.

Now, he's not as sure what that even is. Xue Yang deserves justice, but who here has the most right to deliver it? Hanguang-Jun? Maybe Xingchen himself, he doesn't know. All he can think of is how right now they're in another place, and it's like a fresh blanket of snow has fallen on the mountaintop. And so far, there's been no blood splashed across it.

He's so tired, the kind of tired that goes behind the physical. His head sags as Xue Yang tends to him.

"Xue Yang." He says his name quietly, the first time since finding out that he and the man he was sharing his life with were one and he same. "Tell me the truth. What are you going to do here?"

Of course Xingchen had been listening for any sign of Xue Yang back at his old tricks. Anyone who knows him would do the same. Yet he's done absolutely nothing, keeping all violence to the monsters that lurk out in the forest. Like any proper cultivator would.

Xue Yang keeps working, gaze continuing to bounce between Xingchen and what he's doing. Tying off the bandage then gently rolling the sleeve back down. He does a visual check for other injuries, doubting anymore more hands-on would be allowed. Thankfully he sees nothing more.

His name rolls of Xiao Xingchen's tongue, striking him deep enough to draw a shiver, to drag his entire attention to the other man with almost desperate force. His breath catches before he's slipping down to the ground at Xingchen's feet, hands on either side of the other's knees as he stares up at him. Fingers twisting in the cloth found there.

"I- ...What do you want me to do? Tell me, Xiao Xingchen. I'll...do anything you ask."

Xingchen's surprised when when he turns it back to him. Xue Yang's on his knees...he doesn't need to see it to know, he can tell it from the sound of his movements, the way his hands grip the fabric of his robes. He shakes his head hard at first, more to deny himself than anything. He can't answer that question. He can't give Xue Yang a way back in.

He wonders what happens if he doesn't. Probably die. Those words echo through his head. Xingchen doesn't want that. Even if he knew the absolute worst that Xue Yang has done, something that Xingchen hasn't yet lived through, he would seek his own death before Xue Yang's.

He's suddenly glad that his arm is injured, not because he can't lift his sword, but so he can't lift his hand to touch him. He doesn't want to offer a comfort when he's not sure if he wants to give it or not. A comfort that the other hasn't earned.

"When we return, I want you to confess to all that you've done, and offer yourself up for justice." And he knows what that justice will be, but it's deserved. But they also don't know if they even will return, and that leaves Xingchen with the larger dilemma and what to do here. "You will not harm anyone here...you will give me your sword."

Xingchen shocks even himself with the last one. But it's a test that he will fail, because he doesn't believe that Xue Yang will really do it. He will break his own word, and Xingchen's heart will be safe again.

There's a slight tremor to his hands as he waits and watches Xingchen, chest too tight to speak, too much effort just holding still rather than curl up in the blind man's lap in a pitiful lump the way he wants to so desperately.

Won't help. Won't work.

Broken.

Then Xiao Xingchen starts to speak again and he listens to the beautiful voice that still haunts his dreams. Justice. The word curls his lips and his shoulders shake in a almost soundless laugh that's bordering amused. Not surprised.

...A demand for him to disarm himself. And to continue not harming people here. He straightens, though doesn't move from his kneeling position, and sets to pulling Jiangzai off his back.

"I came here from my confession, Daozhang," he almost sounds cheerful, in a hopeful kind of way. "You can ask Lan Wangji, he was there." Jiangzai is set gently on Xingchen's lap, still sheathed. "He's probably the one who kills me." But he doesn't sound like it bothers him.

But he still has two more dangerous things on him, things Xingchen probably doesn't know about. So he pulls his dagger out and sets it next to Jiangzai.

Then pulls his half of the reconstructed Stygian Tiger Amulet, safe in a pouch that masks it's dark energy, and sets it beside Jiangzai and the dagger.

"Jiangzai, dagger, and my half of the Stygian Tiger Amulet. All for you. I don't have anything else."

Lan Wangji. Yes, if it's Hanguang-Jun then Xue Yang will most likely die. Xingchen should be at peace with that. And yet it feels like he should be dead too, a strange foretelling that he can't quite shake.

He can't believe the sudden weight across his lap. Xingchen's fingers tremble as they move down its sheathe, confirming that it is, in fact, Xue Yang's sword. The other man continues to reveal more secrets than he ever imagined he could have.

He picks up the pouch, sensing the energy it holds within even if he can't actually feel it.

"Why..." He stops himself. If he asks, Xue Yang will surely tell him, and he doesn't have the strength for more confessions today. "This has surely done you harm, Xue Yang."

Maybe he's looking for something to blame. But then, he knows Xue Yang wasn't born a monster either.

Especially since Lan Wangji'd specifically said he was from after that confrontation. Xue Yang is under no illusions of himself surviving it. But it also doesn't bother him, because ten years without Xingchen...that hurt the most. He'd tried so hard only to fail in the end.

He watches how Xingchen's fingers tremble as they check that he's not lying again. It only makes sense. His head tilts at the aborted question, feeling oddly calm now that he's so far done each of what has been asked of him. And a bit more.

But that's the effect Xiao Xingchen has on him.

His gaze lowers to the bag at the comment, then he hums as he mulls that over. "It's...power. Daozhang." Quiet. "And people who get power go crazy. I know what I am." A monster. Blood-thirsty and rabid.

"...I'll throw it away, if you want me to. I'll find a place to bury it."

"No."

Xingchen closes his hand around it. But he doesn't want power. He knows what power can do. And that's why he doesn't want this just floating out there for anyone to find, no matter how well Xue Yang disposes of it.

"I'll take care of it" And hopefully that doesn't invite trouble. Xingchen gathers everything and places it aside, and then realizes that Xue Yang has done everything asked of him.

But for what?

"What do you want, Xue Yang?" He hesitates before adding: "From me."

Xue Yang settles back on his heels while Xingchen makes his decision then gathers the offered weapons up, putting them away. His attention isn't even on Jiangzai. Isn't even on the little, unassuming bag with the amulet tucked safely away.

Xingchen is brighter than all of it. Better by far than any weapon, any sweet. He could look at the other man for years and not grow tired of that pale, perfect face.

"What do I-" he cuts himself off, staring at the other man with some awe. After all of it...Xingchen wants to know what he wants.

"...I want...to see you smile again...I want you to be happy."

"I was happy."

So soft that it's nearly whispered. Now Xingchen could bury his face in his hands and sob, because Xue Yang sounds so sincere about it. It still feels like such an impossible thing at that moment. But at least...at least maybe he can keep Xue Yang from hurting people. From hurting himself.

"Eat something. It'll be time to rest soon."

Before, Xue Yang had delighted in this man's tears. In his pain.

Not now.

Now, it makes him shudder and curl in on himself, forehead ending up pressed to Xingchen's knees. He doesn't like this feeling. Doesn't want this feeling.

...But that simple statement, telling him to eat, gives him hope. He can no more ignore it than he can ignore Xiao Xingchen himself. So he pushes himself to his feet and goes to the door to grab the food he'd brought earlier. Then sets to cooking for them. A simple meal, but he's not up for anything fancy.

"...Daozhang...Will you let me try...to make you happy again?"

After a moment, Xingchen stands and joins him, doing what he can. It's so much like any other night that they spent together, except now there's a tension in the air.

Xue Yang is not his servant. He's not even his prisoner. He won't treat him as such.

He breathes out at that question. His arm is injured, but it's the rest of him that feels weak, weak enough to need to grab the countertop with both hands. He doesn't answer for a long moment, doesn't acknowledge that he heard the question at all. And then, finally:

"If you want to try, then try."

Softly. He won't discourage it.

Xue Yang sets the rice in front of Xingchen to wash while he cuts up the vegetables, not wanting to risk the other man accidentally cutting himself while already wounded.

Hesitant, shy glances. He hardly dares to breathe while Xingchen clings to the counter, let alone speak until he has his answer. Then the breath explodes out at the soft words. He's smiling brightly, because he can't help it. Because that gives him even more hope.

"Do you want to stay here, or go back to the room I got for us?" Since technically he's still supposed to be guarding that shop.

...But if Xingchen doesn't want him doing that, he'll find something else.

His mouth twists like he's tasting something sour. He doesn't want to go back there. Xingchen knows that the memories will follow him around there. Xue Yang was so proud of that room. They were happy there.

But it was happiness based on a lie. Xingchen can't forget that, and so he doubts that it can hold the same magic again.

But Xue Yang did have an honest job, and maybe...maybe that was another thing that was helping him here. Xingchen needs to help him stay on this path, because no one else will. Maybe no one else could even make him want to try.

"We'll go back." At length. He finishes with the rice, but then he thinks of yet another dilemma, his days and nights filled with them lately. Xingchen struggles with it, shaking his head at himself before finally sighing.

He walks away from him, returning with Xue Yang's dagger in hand. Offering.

"You must only defend the shop." And himself. Hopefully he understands that part too.

...He's missing something. Probably something obvious. But the look on Xingchen's face tells him the other man might not actually want to go back. It has Xue Yang frown and try to puzzle it out, and how to fix it.

In the meantime he gets the vegetables cooking. But. Then. Then. Xiao Xingchen walks off for a moment, only to return with his dagger and holds it out. Xue Yang is slow in taking it though, lips parted as he stares wide-eyed at the other man.

"...We could find another place. Somewhere new for both of us." Slowly, carefully, trying to find his way where his usual senses can't make anything out.

"I'll do my job," he agrees.

Xingchen bows his head at that, trying to hide his expression once he realizes that it must give him away. It's only thoughtful now. Maybe it would be best to find a new place, a place where he's out of what feels like Xue Yang's environment.

But Xiao Xingchen is a practical man. What's the point in finding a new place when one already exists. Xue Yang keeps trying to please him, and he should not trust in that. But he can also hear how confused he is, how carefully he's navigating everything with him.

"No. It met our needs. We'll return there in the morning."

Xingchen smiles before he can stop himself. He tells himself it's just a reflex.

Xue Yang has watched Xiao Xingchen's face far too long to be easily fooled. He doesn't always understand what he sees there, frequently doesn't, but he figures he understands enough that the rest is superficial.

Maybe he's wrong.

Maybe he understands nothing that truly matters, and this is his punishment. And yet, after a while, Xingchen agrees to go back to that set of rooms where they'd been briefly happy. Justifies it. Not good enough.

But then the smile returns and he finds he can't breathe but it doesn't matter because he's missed it and it's back!

"Tomorrow," he agrees, not able to mask his joy.

But something else occurs to him, and after a moment of checking on dinner, he shifts the topic a little.

"Daozhang...Thank you for protecting Wen Qing."

"No thanks is necessary."

Xingchen would have done it no matter what. But it does make him curious. It does make him ask before he can stop himself, knowing that every word that passes between them now opens him up a little more.

"I didn't know that you and Lady Wen were close."

All the more reason to keep Xingchen talking! Xue Yang doesn't mind the questions so long as they're from Xiao Xingchen.

"She's an ally," he clarifies. But there's a slight hesitance in his voice. She confuses him too, with how she's started acting around him.

"...She pointed out that since I want to stay here, I will need to make friends."

Xue Yang.

Making friends.

A longer pause. "She thinks I'm making progress."

Xiao Xingchen pauses what he's doing at that. And really, maybe he's still less surprised than most people would be. Xue Yang has done terrible things in the past, but there's nothing to prevent him from doing better in the future. He's not damned to stay as he was, if he chooses to change. If he has a reason to.

Xingchen is slowly starting to realize what that reason is.

"She's right. It's important to live in harmony here. You must be honest in your dealings with others." So friends, yes. "Lady Wen is a very intelligent person. I hope you'll continue to listen to her advice."

He feels around for the bowls to start to fill one.

Xiao Xingchen is Xue Yang's reason to do anything. To try and be better. To try and change.

Just to try and make one man happy.

Xue Yang hums in quiet agreement, waiting for the bowls to have portions of rice before adding the cooked vegetables. And maybe he's standing a little closer to Xingchen than he needs to, but can he really be blamed, when he's told the blind man what he has?

"She's looking for her brother. Or a way back to him. I'm trying to find a way." Even if he kind of doesn't want her to go, now. He'd promised.

"There are some interesting people here, don't you think, Daozhang?"

"There's interesting people everywhere." But Xingchen nods in agreement. There are interesting people here. "And I'm sure she's grateful for your help. She'll be reunited with him one way or another, if it's meant to be."

He picks up a bowl, facing Xue Yang but still holding it close.

"Hold out your hand."

When Xue Yang does, he places the wrapped sweet there, and then offers him his dinner.

"You know which would be best to eat first, right?"

Even Xingchen agreeing with him for the smallest things has a strange flash of delight thrum through him. Xue Yang watches him with a smile almost entirely happy. "A way will be found, if it's there." Not a threat, just a promise.

The order has him immediately obey, hand out without question, though curious. Then he's left frozen and silent as a sweet is set in the palm, staring with wide eyes down at it. He accepts the bowl of his dinner a beat late.

There's a hushed quality to his voice as he turns his awed gaze to Xingchen. "...I know...Thank you, Daozhang."

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