Xingchen's surprised when when he turns it back to him. Xue Yang's on his knees...he doesn't need to see it to know, he can tell it from the sound of his movements, the way his hands grip the fabric of his robes. He shakes his head hard at first, more to deny himself than anything. He can't answer that question. He can't give Xue Yang a way back in.
He wonders what happens if he doesn't. Probably die. Those words echo through his head. Xingchen doesn't want that. Even if he knew the absolute worst that Xue Yang has done, something that Xingchen hasn't yet lived through, he would seek his own death before Xue Yang's.
He's suddenly glad that his arm is injured, not because he can't lift his sword, but so he can't lift his hand to touch him. He doesn't want to offer a comfort when he's not sure if he wants to give it or not. A comfort that the other hasn't earned.
"When we return, I want you to confess to all that you've done, and offer yourself up for justice." And he knows what that justice will be, but it's deserved. But they also don't know if they even will return, and that leaves Xingchen with the larger dilemma and what to do here. "You will not harm anyone here...you will give me your sword."
Xingchen shocks even himself with the last one. But it's a test that he will fail, because he doesn't believe that Xue Yang will really do it. He will break his own word, and Xingchen's heart will be safe again.
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He wonders what happens if he doesn't. Probably die. Those words echo through his head. Xingchen doesn't want that. Even if he knew the absolute worst that Xue Yang has done, something that Xingchen hasn't yet lived through, he would seek his own death before Xue Yang's.
He's suddenly glad that his arm is injured, not because he can't lift his sword, but so he can't lift his hand to touch him. He doesn't want to offer a comfort when he's not sure if he wants to give it or not. A comfort that the other hasn't earned.
"When we return, I want you to confess to all that you've done, and offer yourself up for justice." And he knows what that justice will be, but it's deserved. But they also don't know if they even will return, and that leaves Xingchen with the larger dilemma and what to do here. "You will not harm anyone here...you will give me your sword."
Xingchen shocks even himself with the last one. But it's a test that he will fail, because he doesn't believe that Xue Yang will really do it. He will break his own word, and Xingchen's heart will be safe again.