farsickness | You intruded on paradise.

Entry tags:

xue yang | the untamed

You intruded on paradise.

WHO: Song Lan/Song Zichen & Xue Yang (Open to Xiao Xingchen too.)
WHEN: Several weeks after he learns of the wedding.
WHAT: He needs to test Xue Yang in order to understand him.
WHERE: Gazin
WARNINGS: TBD

He sat in meditation, trying to find peace with what was unfolding before his eyes. Xiao Xingchen, his soulmate, loved another. Oh their love hadn't faded, so, truly, Xue Yang was more of an addition than an opponent. Still, considering the man's past, it was understandable why Zichen felt so ill at ease with the arrangement.

The past few weeks he had been watching Xue Yang, playing the part of silent observer, however that wasn't good enough. He needed to test him; to get to know him - perhaps intimately - so he knew Xingchen was safe.

And loved. As he should be.

"Xue Yang." he had heard the footsteps behind him and he opened his eyes, motioning at the seat beside him, "Meditate with me."

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Even monsters can get tired of running.

And Xue Yang stopped running, here. Gazin has been a much needed reprieve. Even Lan Wangji had ended up accepting he intended no ill here. He might even be friends with Wen Qing! Not just allies. Not just relying on the usual Wen sect shenanigans and subtle threats they were both used to.

His breath catches a little when Zichen checks his face, and baldly offers protection. But then he smiles, shoulders shaking just a little in silent laughter. There are no more tears. He squeezes Zichen around the waist a little in silent thanks.

"Then I will. Thank you, Daozhang."

All he needed was reassurance and Xue Yang has been giving him that daily. The effort hasn't gone to waste nor has he been unaware of it. Zichen is a quiet man - accustomed to keeping his own company (unless Xingchen is around) - but he watches; he learns about others. Most of the time, his silence is merely a side effect of him mulling over what he has witnessed and how best to preserve the good in this world.

Xue Yang is still, as always, a complication. The handsome face peering into his eyes flusters him and his breath hitches at the squeeze.

"...have you eaten enough?"

Edited 2020-05-04 04:24 (UTC)

Zichen needed reassurance, and Xue Yang needs encouragement. Both are getting it. He sees how quiet this other Daozhang is, how he holds himself a little apart but...still good. He's learning it's not personal, if Zichen pulls away.

...Zichen isn't pulling away, now. And it charms him.

Oh no. That breath hitching has his face heat up again, and the question has him hesitate.

"...If I say no do I have to let go?"

Time, space and patience are necessary for Zichen. Where Xingchen is very much an extrovert, he is his polar opposite. But their hearts have always been aligned and Zichen never questions him. He is the one who must determine how best to follow his soulmate on whatever path he has chosen.

And he believes it will work out. That is why he has some faith in Xue Yang.

The man who is currently warm and nestled in his arms.

"If you need contact, I am never far."

So go eat a sandwich. Zichen looks a bit amused and touched (?) by the question, however. This does feel good. His gaze drops to all the places they touch. What will Xingchen think of this?

There's a good reason he and Xingchen have been sharing a bed most of the time they've been in Gazin. They haven't been intimate, other than kisses. But they've been taking comfort in feeling the other's warmth at night. Xue Yang very much loves the closeness Xingchen allows him.

The reassurance, the offer has him smile again and give Zichen one more gentle squeeze before slowly pulling away from the utterly comfortable snuggle he'd been allowed. Standing, he holds out a hand to help the other man up - unnecessary, but...necessary to offer, at the same time.

"I'll remember that."

Whether it is right or wrong, Zichen feels compelled - against reason - to press a soft kiss to Xue Yang's brow. His lips tingle curiously after he pulls back and he rises without aid, walking to the kitchen. If the man is going to eat, he will make sure it is a solid, good meal.

Vegetables will be cut and served and there will be meat. Xue Yang needs the energy it provides.

"What do you usually drink?"

The kiss to his forehead leaves him staring after Zichen a moment, eyes wide before he hurries after him, eager to stay close. Xue Yang sets to his usual task when cooking with someone, helping wherever he sees it's needed. It's strangely comfortable, and he greedily soaks up the company.

"Tea is fine, we've found some that isn't too offensive."

He could drink alcohol, but hasn't felt the need to in a while, despite having access to something that passes for it here.

His nod of approval is accompanied by a sense of relief. He really doesn't want to see how Xue Yang changes when he is drunk. Besides tea is healthier and Zichen can brew what is available with his eyes closed.

Not that he would, but the man is well acquainted with tea.

"I can help the flavor." he balances the herbs by hand before steeping them in hot water, "I know you like sweets, but you need decent fare too or else you will sicken."

And he doesn't want that. He glances in the direction of the other man, reassuring himself that he looks strong.

The nod, the approval has his chest feel tight and makes him beam. He hadn't even turned to alcohol in the horrible week Xingchen hadn't lived with him, he'd thrown himself into his work and into doing his very best to keep looking after Wen Qing and Xingchen.

Xue Yang's pout is there then gone, the smile back. Care. Concern for him, for his health.

"I don't gorge on sweets. I just like having the option of enjoying a candy."

Besides, Xingchen would be upset if he ate too many sweets and felt ill.

...And now Zichen.

"We need to make sure Xingchen eats well enough, too."

All Xue Yang needs to do is try and those around him will give him a chance. Zichen used to look after birds and other small animals on the mountain. There is something about the other man that reminds him of the more stubborn patients he had helped heal. Gentle encouragement always had a good effect on them too.

"There is nothing wrong with that." he adds a little honey to sweeten the tea, "I do. He is slender, I know, but he does look after his health well."

They had been taught to do so by their Master. A frail physical form means a frail golden core.

"He wouldn't allow himself to become weak. Then he couldn't protect you...or me." he adds with a tiny smile.

Edited 2020-05-04 06:17 (UTC)

The stabbing he'd received by the others would beg otherwise! But he hadn't attacked back, and Xingchen had defended him, so it hadn't been too bad.

Xue Yang works, feeling oddly content as he tends to the rather domestic tasks. He notices how Zichen sweetens the tea and feels his face heat a little. "He does better than he was." That horrible week had been worse because he'd known Xingchen hadn't been eating. The food he'd left for the man had always gone bad.

It had changed, once they'd had their talk, and Xingchen had returned to their house. Everything is better now. "He's stronger than he looks." He hums in agreement, beaming at that sweet little smile.

"What do you mean?" Zichen is careful to ask questions about this place and what Xingchen has experienced, but he would like to know. That applies to Xue Yang's experiences too. He feels he can't truly help them if he doesn't know everything.

Lifting the tea tray, he carries it to the table and sets out two cups.

"I feel I am missing something crucial." and he hopes Xue Yang understands how that creates a gnawing hole in his gut.

Edited 2020-05-04 06:37 (UTC)

Xue Yang prepares two plates for them and carries them to the table. One is set in front of Zichen, and the other right next to him where Xue Yang plans to sit. Unless Zichen makes a fuss, he's going to have Xue Yang stick pretty close to him as much as he can!

He takes his seat, considering the question and how to answer. He does understand how the not-knowing makes Zichen feel.

"It's my fault," he tells the other, seriously. Xingchen would deny it, of course. "There was a week, just after we got here, where we were parted. When he learned who I was, there were six of us from our world here. We all were fighting a nasty beast in the forest, and when it was over, Daozhang found out. Some of the others stabbed me a couple times before he made them stop, but...he left." His voice grows quieter the more he speaks, but remains steady. His gaze has dropped, and there's no sign of a joke or tease.

"...I found where he moved to, left food for him on his doorstep but he refused it. I couldn't stand it, after a week, so I...broke in and waited for him...we talked for a while and he...agreed to come back with me the next day."

He takes the seat without any fuss whatsoever. No matter what he is told - short of Xue Yang torturing Xingchen or killing him - he will not lose his calm or change his decision on supporting him. He suspects the story won't be good and he holds himself still as he listens.

"They attacked you for his sake? Because of the lie?" his brow furrows and he turns to face Xue Yang, "I admit I thought about stabbing you myself."

So he can't hold their actions against them. Even so...

"They must have upset him further." he knows his soulmate has a tender heart. To be betrayed by Xue Yang and then to see the man he cared about suffer would break his heart.

"He needed you to care about him truly." Zichen murmurs solemnly, expression sad, "He values your love and if he thought it was fake, that would crush him."

Hadn't he crushed him in a similar manner too? Poor Xingchen.

"We must care for him."

Edited 2020-05-04 07:19 (UTC)

Xue Yang shakes his head. "No. Because of what I'd done before. Considering I was making sure Xingchen was kept safe, they couldn't say I was going to attack him." But they'd still gone stab-happy (okay not Lan Wangji or Wen Qing...) "I didn't attack back." In fact he'd pointedly dropped Jiangzai to make sure they understood.

The admission has him smirk a little and shrug a shoulder. "I wouldn't stop you." He hadn't tried, either.

The smirk fades and he nods, fingers absently picking at the rough cloth at his knees. "I lived without him for years...Daozhang...I went mad...I'm not proud of that. Of what I've done, except while here."

Which...he raises his eyes. "I'm sorry. For everything I did to you." He's not apologizing for Xingchen's sake. No, this is directly to and for Song Zichen.

"The first strike I could understand, but any that followed were unmerited. You were not defending yourself." Zichen believes in justice and he won't let his temper determine the actions of his sword. If he did so, he would no longer be worthy of Fuxue.

"Mm." he isn't sure what to say, a strange heat climbing up his body and making it difficult to think. It isn't anger - he knows that emotion well enough by now - so it has to be something else. Something new.

He isn't ready to say it is similar to how he feels around Xingchen.

"I do not hold a grudge." and he will not, "I want to see you change, Xue Yang. You cannot be happy how you were."

Xue Yang shrugs a little, careless. Being stabbed doesn't bother him, not really. And they'd left him alone since then. Watched, absolutely, he'd have been annoyed if they hadn't.

"They've left me alone since then, Daozhang," he tries to reassure, if a bit awkwardly. Awed that this man might be upset on his behalf. "And the wounds healed quickly." Mostly because he naturally heals quickly. His core is very good at healing all the injuries he sustains.

His eyes grow wide at the wish and he feels his heart seem to skip a beat. He finds himself smiling widely after a moment, taking in a quick breath. "I like it here. I like having you and Daozhang Xingchen here."

"That is not the point." though he is relieved to hear they have let him be, "My core could heal me quickly too, but I would take offense to being stabbed."

His point is, right now, here, they are no different. Xue Yang needs to raise his standards when it comes to himself and what he deserves. Zichen is captivated by that sudden smile; he has never had someone look at him like that.

"...I'm glad." he looks at him sternly, "Now eat and we can go on a walk."

"That's because you're Daozhang Song. I'm not a good person, but I'm trying to be better here." Because Xingchen.

...And now...Zichen. "They weren't aiming to kill, really." He knows how that feels. But it had landed him with Xingchen, so...

"And I didn't strike back." Which he's still rather proud of himself for.

He pouts suddenly, just a little, at the stern change. But obediently starts eating because...well. Zichen had promised a walk, and the 'we' hints he'll get to walk with Zichen. And he might just lean...a little...against the other man, if allowed.

"I thought you were putting the past behind you and starting anew?" he queries, "If so, you and I are no different. If anyone attempts to repeat the stabbing, they will answer to Fuxue."

The pout confuses him and reminds him that he should be gentler. It bothers him to see Xue Yang eating silently and obediently. That isn't the sort of man he should be outside of meditation. Hesitantly, he lifts an arm and wraps it around Xue Yang's shoulders.

Xue Yang pointedly lets his eyes go wide and blinks at the other cultivator. "I am, I'm not so sure about the others." But it also doesn't matter. He still won't attack them, not unless they tried to hurt Zichen, Xingchen, or Wen Qing.

But then his breath catches when Zichen curls an arm around him. Catches him off-balance and confused by how it makes him feel. He still snuggles into the offered comfort, not about to refuse it when either of his Daozhangs offer.

It still earns Zichen a confused look. "...What is it?" What has he done now?

"They don't matter."

Not in this regard. Xue Yang needs a small world - one that is safe and disciplined - to get back on his feet. Anyone who tries to introduce chaos or vengeance will be turned away at the door.

"I want you to focus on yourself."

He hears the breath catch and his arm lifts a little, unsure, before settling again around Xue Yang's shoulders. The other man is strong, but he feels warm too and that sensation calls to Zichen more than he would like to admit.

"Sometimes...I am...stern." he murmurs, clearly uncomfortable, "That isn't how I feel. That is only how I speak."

'They don't matter.' He blinks again, confusion growing. But who is he to dismiss what Zichen says? He doesn't have to understand.

The skin around his eyes wrinkle as he tries to puzzle out the reason behind being told he should focus on himself, teeth nibbling on a lip absently. "Daozhang," he starts, carefully, quietly. "...When I focus on myself," slowly, "I go crazy. I kill and I manipulate and I trick others into doing my dirty work for amusement."

A long pause. "When I focus on Xingchen...here...I am better. I focus my energy on keeping him safe. On making him happy and comfortable. And now, when I focus on you...I do the same. I am happy...if you two are happy."

He expects still to be pushed away. Tense. But he doesn't move until that happens. Expects to be shunned again as a monster, a horrible little thing that should only be put down before it destroys everything good that is left.

He closes his eyes and masters himself. Calm. If he is calm, he won't react as negatively to the touch Xue Yang needs. Craves. He understands that now and when he opens his eyes, he gathers the other man into his arms, speaking quietly against his hair.

"In small increments, you must focus on yourself. You must discover the cause of your pain and come to us for help. I promise, you are not alone." Zichen can feel the tension and he continues softly, "That is the only way you will overcome it."

One of his hands rubs over Xue Yang's back in soothing circles.

"I believe you are strong enough."

The food falls from his hands, back to the plate, when he's tugged into warm arms. He shudders and burrows into the feeling of safety that is offered even now.

He listens and tries to understand. So much confusion. So much counter to all he's ever known and been taught or witnessed. Gentle hand on his back, rubbing to sooth him. No pain.

Heart racing too fast, surely Zichen can feel it!

"I haven't broken yet," he murmurs, trying to believe all that is being offered to him. Believe, accept, lean on...It's all he's ever wanted, really. Someone who believes in him. Someone who sees him, and sees he can do and be better.

Xue Yang lets out a breath and snuggles a little closer. "I will try, Daozhang."

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