farsickness | You intruded on paradise.

Entry tags:

xue yang | the untamed

You intruded on paradise.

WHO: Song Lan/Song Zichen & Xue Yang (Open to Xiao Xingchen too.)
WHEN: Several weeks after he learns of the wedding.
WHAT: He needs to test Xue Yang in order to understand him.
WHERE: Gazin
WARNINGS: TBD

He sat in meditation, trying to find peace with what was unfolding before his eyes. Xiao Xingchen, his soulmate, loved another. Oh their love hadn't faded, so, truly, Xue Yang was more of an addition than an opponent. Still, considering the man's past, it was understandable why Zichen felt so ill at ease with the arrangement.

The past few weeks he had been watching Xue Yang, playing the part of silent observer, however that wasn't good enough. He needed to test him; to get to know him - perhaps intimately - so he knew Xingchen was safe.

And loved. As he should be.

"Xue Yang." he had heard the footsteps behind him and he opened his eyes, motioning at the seat beside him, "Meditate with me."

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"I will help." he decides, so dazzled by the smile he is given that he feels physically dizzy, "Job or not, I can see to your safety too."

That might be a rash statement. He hasn't done so well in looking after anyone - even himself - in a few years. But that has to change; he will see to it.

"I don't like the sound of that." he murmurs and he does look ill, frowning as he looks Xue Yang over, "How many injuries are you hiding?"

Another thing he must be aware of even if the man is bright and smiling.

The frown immediately vanishes when Zichen speaks. Awe takes over. Then his smile is back and he dares to snuggle into the other's arms, curling his own around Zichen.

"That will make Xingchen happy. He hasn't liked me being in danger." And the idea clearly makes him happy too.

The question has him laugh. "Nothing new, I haven't hidden any injury from Daozhang Xingchen in months." And Xingchen has always helped patch him up, just as he has in return.

Besides he...doesn't...want to move right now.

The snuggling might grow on him. He has never had someone that sought this sort of contact with him. The fear of touch will always be in the back of his mind, yet it is comforting to know that the sheer panic can be overcome.

With the right person.

Is Xue Yang the "right person"?

"I didn't think he would." he sounds gruff, "Please don't hide any of them."

Guess who else will help patch him up? And probably flatten the person or monster responsible for hurting him in the first place.

Zichen can't help feeling protective and his arms hold Xue Yang as if he means to keep him from all harm. So what if he does?

Poor Zichen. Never had a clingon before. Now he does! Xue Yang is far too affection starved to just give this up now that he's seen how safe he feels in this man's arms.

He ignores the gruffness - easier now that he's peeked past Zichen's barriers. He focuses on the words instead, and immediately shakes his head. "I won't. I don't want either of you hiding injuries from me, either."

Xue Yang will be doing the exact same thing to anything that hurts his Daozhangs. It's addicting to feel that protectiveness turned on him.

A handsome clingon at that! Zichen has noticed that underneath Xue Yang's crazy lies a very attractive man. But he isn't about to take advantage of his vulnerability. That would be gross and it would fly in the face of his values.

"That sounds fair." he agrees and then adds, quietly but confidently, "If the one who hurt you should show their face, leave them to Xingchen and I."

His embrace tightens for a moment to make his point clear. Said person will never trouble anyone ever again.

He'd noticed Zichen's handsomeness as well, for all he'd also, for a while, been afraid of him. Not anymore. And now that attractive face and soul draws him closer. But he won't do that to Xingchen.

Or Zichen, either. He knows their connection, the love they hold for each other. Xue Yang realizes he wouldn't mind being part of that, not at all. He knows he loves Xingchen, and that his love is returned. Even now, with Xingchen's soulmate here.

...But this embrace gives him hope that maybe they can all have what they want.

Those quiet words strike him, his breath sucks in and he collapses into the tighter hold.

"I...Okay..." A child's voice.

He feels like a battle has been won - temporarily, perhaps, but won nonetheless. Zichen settles Xue Yang against him, rubbing a hand uncertainly over his back. Despite all of his sharp edges, this man - this once criminal - has something soft hidden inside. Are all murderers and thieves like him? Or is Xue Yang a special case?

"Justice cannot be questioned. They will answer for what they have done to you." he turns his head to speak quietly into the other man's ear, "Have you told Xingchen? If he knows, that is good enough."

It's a constant battle, but gets a little easier each day. Xue Yang relaxes, bit by bit under the soothing hand over his back. Someone...else...who might not hurt him? Despite knowing who he is and what he's done?

...Now he feels absolutely horrible for what he's done to Zichen, not that it seems to have happened for the other yet. He hadn't really been bothered by it before, except to keep that truth from Xingchen.

"He knows."

Zichen sincerely means him no harm. Now that he has seen the need - the vulnerability - he knows what path he should take. Pain begets pain and he is tired of living with fear of betrayal.

Surely Xue Yang is too?

"Good." he examines the other man's face, searching for fresh tears, "You can come to me too - if you feel comfortable doing so."

Even monsters can get tired of running.

And Xue Yang stopped running, here. Gazin has been a much needed reprieve. Even Lan Wangji had ended up accepting he intended no ill here. He might even be friends with Wen Qing! Not just allies. Not just relying on the usual Wen sect shenanigans and subtle threats they were both used to.

His breath catches a little when Zichen checks his face, and baldly offers protection. But then he smiles, shoulders shaking just a little in silent laughter. There are no more tears. He squeezes Zichen around the waist a little in silent thanks.

"Then I will. Thank you, Daozhang."

All he needed was reassurance and Xue Yang has been giving him that daily. The effort hasn't gone to waste nor has he been unaware of it. Zichen is a quiet man - accustomed to keeping his own company (unless Xingchen is around) - but he watches; he learns about others. Most of the time, his silence is merely a side effect of him mulling over what he has witnessed and how best to preserve the good in this world.

Xue Yang is still, as always, a complication. The handsome face peering into his eyes flusters him and his breath hitches at the squeeze.

"...have you eaten enough?"

Edited 2020-05-04 04:24 (UTC)

Zichen needed reassurance, and Xue Yang needs encouragement. Both are getting it. He sees how quiet this other Daozhang is, how he holds himself a little apart but...still good. He's learning it's not personal, if Zichen pulls away.

...Zichen isn't pulling away, now. And it charms him.

Oh no. That breath hitching has his face heat up again, and the question has him hesitate.

"...If I say no do I have to let go?"

Time, space and patience are necessary for Zichen. Where Xingchen is very much an extrovert, he is his polar opposite. But their hearts have always been aligned and Zichen never questions him. He is the one who must determine how best to follow his soulmate on whatever path he has chosen.

And he believes it will work out. That is why he has some faith in Xue Yang.

The man who is currently warm and nestled in his arms.

"If you need contact, I am never far."

So go eat a sandwich. Zichen looks a bit amused and touched (?) by the question, however. This does feel good. His gaze drops to all the places they touch. What will Xingchen think of this?

There's a good reason he and Xingchen have been sharing a bed most of the time they've been in Gazin. They haven't been intimate, other than kisses. But they've been taking comfort in feeling the other's warmth at night. Xue Yang very much loves the closeness Xingchen allows him.

The reassurance, the offer has him smile again and give Zichen one more gentle squeeze before slowly pulling away from the utterly comfortable snuggle he'd been allowed. Standing, he holds out a hand to help the other man up - unnecessary, but...necessary to offer, at the same time.

"I'll remember that."

Whether it is right or wrong, Zichen feels compelled - against reason - to press a soft kiss to Xue Yang's brow. His lips tingle curiously after he pulls back and he rises without aid, walking to the kitchen. If the man is going to eat, he will make sure it is a solid, good meal.

Vegetables will be cut and served and there will be meat. Xue Yang needs the energy it provides.

"What do you usually drink?"

The kiss to his forehead leaves him staring after Zichen a moment, eyes wide before he hurries after him, eager to stay close. Xue Yang sets to his usual task when cooking with someone, helping wherever he sees it's needed. It's strangely comfortable, and he greedily soaks up the company.

"Tea is fine, we've found some that isn't too offensive."

He could drink alcohol, but hasn't felt the need to in a while, despite having access to something that passes for it here.

His nod of approval is accompanied by a sense of relief. He really doesn't want to see how Xue Yang changes when he is drunk. Besides tea is healthier and Zichen can brew what is available with his eyes closed.

Not that he would, but the man is well acquainted with tea.

"I can help the flavor." he balances the herbs by hand before steeping them in hot water, "I know you like sweets, but you need decent fare too or else you will sicken."

And he doesn't want that. He glances in the direction of the other man, reassuring himself that he looks strong.

The nod, the approval has his chest feel tight and makes him beam. He hadn't even turned to alcohol in the horrible week Xingchen hadn't lived with him, he'd thrown himself into his work and into doing his very best to keep looking after Wen Qing and Xingchen.

Xue Yang's pout is there then gone, the smile back. Care. Concern for him, for his health.

"I don't gorge on sweets. I just like having the option of enjoying a candy."

Besides, Xingchen would be upset if he ate too many sweets and felt ill.

...And now Zichen.

"We need to make sure Xingchen eats well enough, too."

All Xue Yang needs to do is try and those around him will give him a chance. Zichen used to look after birds and other small animals on the mountain. There is something about the other man that reminds him of the more stubborn patients he had helped heal. Gentle encouragement always had a good effect on them too.

"There is nothing wrong with that." he adds a little honey to sweeten the tea, "I do. He is slender, I know, but he does look after his health well."

They had been taught to do so by their Master. A frail physical form means a frail golden core.

"He wouldn't allow himself to become weak. Then he couldn't protect you...or me." he adds with a tiny smile.

Edited 2020-05-04 06:17 (UTC)

The stabbing he'd received by the others would beg otherwise! But he hadn't attacked back, and Xingchen had defended him, so it hadn't been too bad.

Xue Yang works, feeling oddly content as he tends to the rather domestic tasks. He notices how Zichen sweetens the tea and feels his face heat a little. "He does better than he was." That horrible week had been worse because he'd known Xingchen hadn't been eating. The food he'd left for the man had always gone bad.

It had changed, once they'd had their talk, and Xingchen had returned to their house. Everything is better now. "He's stronger than he looks." He hums in agreement, beaming at that sweet little smile.

"What do you mean?" Zichen is careful to ask questions about this place and what Xingchen has experienced, but he would like to know. That applies to Xue Yang's experiences too. He feels he can't truly help them if he doesn't know everything.

Lifting the tea tray, he carries it to the table and sets out two cups.

"I feel I am missing something crucial." and he hopes Xue Yang understands how that creates a gnawing hole in his gut.

Edited 2020-05-04 06:37 (UTC)

Xue Yang prepares two plates for them and carries them to the table. One is set in front of Zichen, and the other right next to him where Xue Yang plans to sit. Unless Zichen makes a fuss, he's going to have Xue Yang stick pretty close to him as much as he can!

He takes his seat, considering the question and how to answer. He does understand how the not-knowing makes Zichen feel.

"It's my fault," he tells the other, seriously. Xingchen would deny it, of course. "There was a week, just after we got here, where we were parted. When he learned who I was, there were six of us from our world here. We all were fighting a nasty beast in the forest, and when it was over, Daozhang found out. Some of the others stabbed me a couple times before he made them stop, but...he left." His voice grows quieter the more he speaks, but remains steady. His gaze has dropped, and there's no sign of a joke or tease.

"...I found where he moved to, left food for him on his doorstep but he refused it. I couldn't stand it, after a week, so I...broke in and waited for him...we talked for a while and he...agreed to come back with me the next day."

He takes the seat without any fuss whatsoever. No matter what he is told - short of Xue Yang torturing Xingchen or killing him - he will not lose his calm or change his decision on supporting him. He suspects the story won't be good and he holds himself still as he listens.

"They attacked you for his sake? Because of the lie?" his brow furrows and he turns to face Xue Yang, "I admit I thought about stabbing you myself."

So he can't hold their actions against them. Even so...

"They must have upset him further." he knows his soulmate has a tender heart. To be betrayed by Xue Yang and then to see the man he cared about suffer would break his heart.

"He needed you to care about him truly." Zichen murmurs solemnly, expression sad, "He values your love and if he thought it was fake, that would crush him."

Hadn't he crushed him in a similar manner too? Poor Xingchen.

"We must care for him."

Edited 2020-05-04 07:19 (UTC)

Xue Yang shakes his head. "No. Because of what I'd done before. Considering I was making sure Xingchen was kept safe, they couldn't say I was going to attack him." But they'd still gone stab-happy (okay not Lan Wangji or Wen Qing...) "I didn't attack back." In fact he'd pointedly dropped Jiangzai to make sure they understood.

The admission has him smirk a little and shrug a shoulder. "I wouldn't stop you." He hadn't tried, either.

The smirk fades and he nods, fingers absently picking at the rough cloth at his knees. "I lived without him for years...Daozhang...I went mad...I'm not proud of that. Of what I've done, except while here."

Which...he raises his eyes. "I'm sorry. For everything I did to you." He's not apologizing for Xingchen's sake. No, this is directly to and for Song Zichen.

"The first strike I could understand, but any that followed were unmerited. You were not defending yourself." Zichen believes in justice and he won't let his temper determine the actions of his sword. If he did so, he would no longer be worthy of Fuxue.

"Mm." he isn't sure what to say, a strange heat climbing up his body and making it difficult to think. It isn't anger - he knows that emotion well enough by now - so it has to be something else. Something new.

He isn't ready to say it is similar to how he feels around Xingchen.

"I do not hold a grudge." and he will not, "I want to see you change, Xue Yang. You cannot be happy how you were."

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