farsickness | You intruded on paradise.

He shrugs off the start of annoyance at what felt like an insult, no matter how true, and listens to the explanation and purpose behind meditation.

"I was taught until my teachers saw I had an affinity for demonic cultivation. After that they pushed me to learn and experiment there, rather than the path you walk." Jin Guangyao was a real great guy, very upstanding! Of course he'd obeyed!

Xue Yang mirrors Song Lan's position.

"Then they did you a disservice." Zichen sees no reason to do anyone any favors; he will tell the truth, no matter how brutal, "Affinity or not, what you are working with is raw potential."

And that makes his feats amazing, frankly. Xue Yang has a first class golden core.

"That potential can be shaped into any form you wish. However I will not teach you anything regarding Demonic Cultivation."

He isn't a fan.

"Working with spiritual energy is the natural way and it has no ill effects on your body, mind or soul."

He - that... Xue Yang knows his eyes are wide as he listens. It almost sounds like praise, from Song Zichen.

"I don't want you anywhere near Demonic Cultivation!" Not anymore. "I've barely even used it here, it doesn't work very well on the monsters I fight."

But if Zichen is willing to teach him the proper path... "I will learn anything you and Xingchen want me to." A promise, and he's a man who, despite being a monster himself, is very intent on keeping his word.

There is that innocence. Zichen feels a strange pull, deep inside of him, but he ignores it.

Until it becomes a new feeling altogether. Xue Yang almost sounds...protective?...of him? Why?

"It is harmful to you. Just because you can drink poison and not die doesn't mean the poison isn't weakening you." he readjusts his posture and holds out his hands, "Give me your hands."

Touch will help him learn faster, though his heart beats uncomfortably fast in his chest.

Shaking apart, yet determined to hold on to what happiness he's made for himself here. If that means including Song Zichen...that's easy. Anything at all for Xiao Xingchen and his smile.

Xue Yang shrugs, shoulders shaking a little with the quiet little laugh. "I can handle it. It doesn't touch him." He really hasn't used it all that much since he'd left Yi City for Gazin.

But the order has his heart start to race inexplicably. His fingers dig into the rough material at his knees.

"You can barely touch Xingchen...You don't want to touch me." Now he just seems sad, but also almost wistful.

"Wrong." he concludes, the verdict quiet but unyielding, "It touches you and so it will have an effect on him."

For all of his naivete - at times - Xiao Xingchen is not a man who misses a beat when it comes to the pain or torment of those around him. He will seek to ease and comfort, using all of his strength and energy to do so, but Zichen knows that there are wounds that cannot be healed.

"Take my hands." he repeats, stretching out his fingers further, "I can help you. I would not have offered if I thought myself incapable."

He waits a few seconds longer and then, leaning forward, takes Xue Yang's hands into his own.

He jerks a little at the answer, and flinches at the reason. He hadn't thought about that, and now he casts a slightly wild-eyed look around for where Xingchen might be, so he can...

He doesn't know what he'd do, or what he'd say.

But Zichen is insisting...And then takes his hands when he still hesitates.

Why is his heart suddenly racing? Xue Yang doesn't resist or pull free, let's Zichen do as he wishes, though he knows he's staring again. Only Xingchen willingly touches him, and no one else touches him unless they have to. But Zichen...doesn't have to.

It leaves him off-balance and vulnerable. Defensiveness rears it's head...before he shoves it away and waits for whatever this Daozhang wants to teach him.

His grip is firm but not crushing. Zichen is all too aware of the old injury and he avoids that finger, unsure what level of pain it causes Xue Yang. For some reason, his face is burning and he finds it difficult to fill his lungs with air.

"Take a deep breath."

He will be doing that too.

"I will show you your core." he shifts his hands, daring to lace their fingers together. This is intimate work and if contact is lost, it will be for naught.

"Close your eyes, relax..." his voice gentles and he almost seems like he is looking through the other man instead of at him. He shares his vision, linking their minds, until Xue Yang can see the bright, feisty golden core too.

Breath too fast, heart pounding, face burning...Eyes still wide and fixed on Zichen. Hands shaking just a little, left, uneasy.

Zichen could so easily hurt him like this. Fingers laced together.

But the promise to teach him is too great a lure, in the end. Song Zichen is too good a person to use deception just to tear him down. So Xue Yang obeys, drawing in that deep breath. Then another, to try and settle heart and lungs.

Then closes his eyes, letting himself focus on nothing more than warm hands in his and the gentleness in his teacher's voice. Awe settles around him as he sees what Zichen does, as their minds link and his attention is drawn to his own core. It makes him laugh and relax.

Determination also settles around him. He'd already promised himself that he'd try to get on this man's good side for Xingchen's sake. Now he wants to, to make this man proud of him.

Pain is easy to inflict and difficult to remedy. Zichen isn't a man who likes to think the worst of anyone. Is he angry at Xue Yang? Yes. Is he bitter and sad over what he said to Xingchen years before? Of course. But none of that has anything to do with lessons.

Besides, his anger and wariness of the man before him has decreased exponentially since his arrival in Gazin. He believes that he sees genuine affection between Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen. That is a good enough reason for him to help where he can.

The core is lovely and Zichen lets Xue Yang feel his admiration. He senses that the other man needs encouragement to stay on the right path - and this encouragement is easily given.

"You have formed it side by side with your emotions. When you are angry, it will grow brighter and stronger. That is why your attacks can be so lethal."

Zichen pulls Xue Yang's focus to his golden core for comparison. Cold frost is an apt description, however underneath the solid, almost frozen, gold are flashes of intense light.

"But you are quickly fatigued that way. I would like to teach you how to control your golden core when you are calm. Then you can choose how much energy is expended and for what purpose."

Edited 2020-05-03 10:02 (UTC)

Zichen has so many reasons to be angry with him. Xue Yang hasn't denied it, or really even tried to lessen it. Only continued as he has been here, since arriving in Gazin and finding Xingchen blessedly alive! And willing to live with him, despite learning who he is. He likes showing his love and devotion of Xingchen in little and big things.

Feeling admiration of his core from Zichen has his heart do a strange little leap and he feels his face flame again as a shy delight curls around him. He listens with increasing eagerness.

...But then he's shown Zichen's core. So very cold and yet...he finds himself entranced by the flashes of intense light.

"It's beautiful," he murmurs. There's a shy quality to his voice now, too.

"Please, Daozhang...Please teach me."

He can almost forget that this is Xue Yang. The man he thought he knew - or at least understood - is not here. Zichen is beginning to accept that there might hope. The compliment he receives makes him feel strange again and he isn't entirely aware that he gives Xue Yang's hands a little squeeze.

"Yours is too."

No matter how awkward the truth might be, he will never lie. The other man's core is beautiful and wild. Zichen doesn't want to tame all of that fiery glow - rather he wants to help Xue Yang use it as a sword and shield.

"I know you can learn." his lips twitch, "This will take time and patience."

He doesn't even feel like himself these days. Or, rather, he feels how he thinks he'd have been, had he been encouraged down the right path from the start. He has someone he loves. Someone who loves and believes in him too. He has a job. He has a home.

A second chance. He's grabbed hold and will cling to this chance to his last breath.

Xue Yang feels the little squeeze and it makes his chest feel strange. Right along with the returned compliment. He knows it's not a lie, not from this good man.

"...I can be patient, if you help me."

"You saw your core; you can feel it. Now I want you to envision something or someone that makes you angry." Zichen can't help sounding slightly amused; he could very well volunteer himself! Couldn't he?

Belatedly, and with reluctance, he gently releases Xue Yang's hands. Why is he so reluctant? Confused at himself for the thousandth time since his arrival in Gazin, he lifts his chin slightly, hiding the emotion under a layer of frost.

"I want you to focus on how your core reacts."

Except he doesn't hate Song Zichen. Not really. He's not even angry at him anymore. No, when Xue Yang pictures someone who makes him angry, it's the man who'd crushed his hand as a child.

It's enough a distraction to keep him from pouting when Zichen finally releases his hands, though there is a little frown. He hasn't opened his eyes yet, focusing on the other's voice to guide him.

He pictures that horrible man and feels, watches his core burn bright and hot, an angry coil that threatens to shake that ball of energy apart. His fingers twitch and tremble, falling to his knees to curl and pick at the fabric there as his breath picks up. But he locks his jaw to keep quiet.

Anger is familiar, but he's never bothered looking at his core like this.

"Xue Yang, you are with me. You are safe." he watches the reactions in concern, shifting so he can -

What? His hand freezes in front of the other man's face, almost on the verge of smoothing that frown away. He instead directs his attention to the hands, curling so unhappily against the dark fabric. Very lightly, he takes hold of them again, bringing them to his chest.

"Think of Xiao Xingchen. I understand how he makes you feel; I experience it too. He has a gift; he can give you a home without a door, without walls, without a roof. I want you to see him and let his light stand against the one who has hurt you."

He flinches, gasping when his hands are taken again, but this time tugged to Zichen's chest. There's a wretched look on his face as his eyes finally reopen, wide and wild.

But Xiao Xingchen's name does the trick and the wildness settles. No less fierce, but still, somehow, gentle. Soft edges. And Xue Yang feels himself tip forward, toward Zichen as if he has no more strength to even sit up.

His cheeks are damp but he doesn't notice or care. "H-he's too pure..."

The expression breaks his heart. The ice within him cracks - he was barely able to hold it solid anyway - and Zichen catches Xue Yang. This man might be grown, but he has dear and desperate need of them. Of him and Xingchen.

No, he can't fail him now.

"You worry about sullying him?"

Usually he would say good and leave it at that, but he knows how much that would hurt the other and how petty that would be. He wants to help. His hands brush away those tears as if he does this sort of thing every day.

"He understands the risk he is taking with you. Why do you think I respect his choices?" his brow furrows, "Because I trust his heart. He sees hope for you. The only way you fail him is if you give up on yourself."

Arms around him. He should try and break free but...they're so warm. He shouldn't feel safe in them, not with Song Zichen, but he does. He can't help but curl against him, taking what is offered.

Fingers brushing his tears away, drying his cheeks - only Xingchen has done that and the fact that man's soulmate is echoing it now...he shudders and presses into the touch. Then shakes his head. "No. I won't let him be sullied. Never again," a harsh, hoarse whisper.

"I will never hurt him again, Daozhang. And-" his voice cracks and he's silent a moment.

"...And I won't hurt you ever again, either."

His posture is a little stiff, at first - this is new - however that slowly changes when he feels Xue Yang relaxing against him. Maybe he is doing something right? Zichen isn't always certain of himself - not as much as he used to be anyway - and he is grateful for the silent guidance he is receiving from Xue Yang.

Leaving those cheeks tear-soaked isn't something he can do. He uses his sleeve to dab at them carefully before he embraces the other man again. Everyone needs a warm, safe place, don't they? And he had promised Xingchen, long ago, that if they had a student or students that he would help them no matter what.

Yet a student shouldn't make his heart race.

Nor should a student make his heart skip a beat. So he is trying to protect him. Zichen rests his cheek against Xue Yang's hair, sighing.

"Do not concern yourself with protecting me. I -" he falters, "I am well if I am with him. And if you make him happy, why should I ever be hurt?"

Arms properly around him, holding him. Xue Yang lets out a shaky breath and settles against Zichen, stunned at this silent offer of safety, of this affection from someone who clearly has trouble with touch.

But he hasn't been pushed away. It would be easy to.

His eyes close when he feels a cheek come to rest on the top of his head, and the breath he lets out is steadier now as he calms.

"Too late," he tries to tease. "You're stuck with me. You're in my house. I protect those who live with me." But he grows a little more serious, too. "...I would protect you anyway." He would say 'for Xingchen' but...he doesn't think that's true anymore. So he can't say it.

This is easier than it has any right to be. Zichen has and will always open himself to those in need, but Xue Yang? He allows himself the smallest of smiles. Perhaps he is more like his soulmate than he thought and that is a compliment of the highest order.

"I would like for you to fight less."

Distantly, he remembers someone comforting him like this. Zichen brushes Xue Yang's hair back from his face, hesitating.

"I don't entirely like the idea of you injured."

No, that doesn't cover what he feels at all!

"I don't like it. At all." he concludes.

Xue Yang peeks tentatively at his core again, startled to find it calm, not quite so wild and sharp edges. But then he reminds himself who has decided to hold him, to comfort him. And decides it's not a bad thing at all.

And the smile! He can't help but answer it, ignoring how it makes his chest feel tight and face burn. Especially when his hair is brushed from his face!

But then the admission, of what Zichen wants...his brow furrows. "But Daozhang...that's...I'm good at it. It's why we have this house, and food...I don't fight outside my job anymore."

His face heats again when Zichen admits he doesn't like him being injured.

"I'm as careful as I can be. But I can take a lot of punishment." Which...is another reason he's so good at his job.

"I will help." he decides, so dazzled by the smile he is given that he feels physically dizzy, "Job or not, I can see to your safety too."

That might be a rash statement. He hasn't done so well in looking after anyone - even himself - in a few years. But that has to change; he will see to it.

"I don't like the sound of that." he murmurs and he does look ill, frowning as he looks Xue Yang over, "How many injuries are you hiding?"

Another thing he must be aware of even if the man is bright and smiling.

The frown immediately vanishes when Zichen speaks. Awe takes over. Then his smile is back and he dares to snuggle into the other's arms, curling his own around Zichen.

"That will make Xingchen happy. He hasn't liked me being in danger." And the idea clearly makes him happy too.

The question has him laugh. "Nothing new, I haven't hidden any injury from Daozhang Xingchen in months." And Xingchen has always helped patch him up, just as he has in return.

Besides he...doesn't...want to move right now.

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